At Devika Care Company we understand that for those caring for people living with Dementia, Christmas can be an emotional time. So we thought we would share our story this year in the hope that some of you may find it relatable and find some inspiration, solace and hope from our shared experiences.
Here are some thoughts from Devika Care Company Director Caroline, on life as a carer leading up to Christmas 🎄
“Christmas is always a bittersweet time for me..."
"Growing up, we didn’t have much, but Christmas was always about family - dancing to our favourite songs, playing games, and watching films together. It was a time of togetherness.
This tradition continued through my life until my Mum Devika had to move into care. Since then, I’ve spent the last seven Christmas Days in a care home, and this year will be my eighth. One of those Christmases was spent standing outside the home, watching carers open Mum’s presents and cards for us. For five years, we celebrated in her room as a family, playing Christmas music and enjoying festive snacks whilst she had her Christmas dinner.
Last year was the hardest. Having both Mum and Dad in the same care home, but unable to be together was heartbreaking. My Dad Ernie struggles to understand why my Mum can’t move or communicate, so we had Christmas apart for the 1st time ever.
The hardest part of every Christmas Day is leaving them behind, wondering if they remembered we had visited or if they feel alone and abandoned. Even as I write this, I feel that pain as if it’s happening now. It’s guilt - the most useless of emotions. Nothing good ever comes from guilt, and every year I work on letting go of it. It’s getting easier, but it’s still a work in progress.
Then there’s the anxiety that this might be our last Christmas together and because of that, have I done enough to make it special for them.
Each year I feel like I’m closer to accepting that I can’t stop my parents’ cognitive decline, Christmas will never be how it used to be, I will always have to leave them on Christmas Day, and I have no control over how many more Christmases we’ll share together - no one does. What I can do is focus on being present and cherishing the time we have. Life is tough sometimes, but it’s how we navigate it that really matters.
I feel so lucky to still have my parents this Christmas, to spend time with them alongside my wonderful sister, showering them with love. I also have an amazing partner and stepdaughter, and I know my parents would want me to spend time with them, be happy and to embrace the joy in the season.
Dwelling on the past leads to depression, worrying about the future creates anxiety, and guilt only brings unnecessary pain. I don’t want to let any of these emotions steal the time I have left with my parents or affect my own health.
Every year is a battle, but every year I gain more strength and tools to help me through it. This year, I want to have the happiest Christmas yet, filled with perspective, gratitude, and love.”
If you need support as a carer, please check out Our Services page to see if there is a Dementia Day Care Centre near you, or see our Useful Info page for resources we have put together to help carers looking for support for their loved ones living with Dementia this Christmas.
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